Chapter Four: Before Marriage
When you're exploring for a potential husband among all the men in your communities and circles of friends, keep your field of vision wide. The most outgoing men get the most attention, but there are many other men who are more reserved and harder to spot.
Which kinds of men are more appropriate for you? Well, which kinds of men are you attracted to emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Which kinds of men seem to be attracted to you, and why? Don't focus on which men might be good lovers, focus on which men might be your best friends, because a good friend will be a great lover, but a good lover may never be a good friend. Likewise, true love will include physical desire, but mere lust will not include intimate friendship.
Another word of warning for while you're going on group outings and "fun dates": be aware that flirting can be very harmful to yourself or to the boy you flirt with. By flirting we mean teasing in a manner likely to stir up sexual desire. Laugh and joke all you want in a non-sexual way, but stay completely away from sexual innuendos.
For a man, leading him to think you're interested in him sexually, only for him to eventually realize the truth that you have no intention of having sex with him, can crush his spirit in a very painful and demeaning way. A vengeful or brutish man may go so far as to look for an opportunity to force you to have sex thinking that you owe it to him or that you deserve punishment. For you, men that you might truly like to pursue may have no interest in you when they see you flirting with another man, even if they know you're flirting with them insincerely. Or perhaps especially if they know you're flirting with someone insincerely. In addition, if you get in a habit of flirting with men, you may eventually find yourself becoming more serious about following up with a man physically if he responds to your flirtations.
So, keep your exploring clean and light. Look for men who can be good friends. When you find some good friends, then you're ready to start some serious matching efforts to see if one of them has the potential to become your best friend.