Sex Compatibility Questionnaire
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This questionnaire raises issues about sex-related personal history and preferences. There are no right or wrong answers, and there is no score. These questions are intended to help an engaged couple determine how compatible they are for a life-long sexual partnership. Grandma Jennifer recommends that the man and woman complete the questionnaire alone and then review their answers together with a pre-marriage counselor, but answering them together, or without a counselor is better than not going over these issues at all.
The primary purpose is to allow the couple to find and discuss areas of low compatibility that could lead to future problems. Note that people can change over time, however, so compatibility levels at one time in your lives may not be the same as at other times.
If you're widowed, divorced, or have had non-marital sex, you may know your sexual preferences very well, and you'll be able to answer these Sexual Compatibility questions with confidence. If you're a virgin or haven't been married long, you may guess at what may become some of your sexual preferences, or simply say you don't know.
Obviously, telling each other the truth is essential. If you lie to your fiancée at this point in your relationship, you are seriously reducing the possibility of a long and happy life together.
If you come up with any other questions for your fiancée, ask them! And if you want to share ideas for other questions with Grandma, you can submit them here.
- How many times have you been married before?
If you have had one or more previous marriages:
- Why did each previous marriage end?
- What will be different about this marriage that will make this one successful?
- How many children have you fathered or given birth to?
- How many children do you have, including adopted and step-children?
- How many children do you want to have?
- Which forms of birth control do you prefer?
- Do you know if you are fertile?
- [Woman-only:] How many abortions have you had?
- How many people have you had heterosexual sex with, including oral sex?
- How many people have you had homosexual sex with, including oral sex?
- Have you ever had sex with a friend or relative of your fiancée?
- Have any previous sexual partners ever had significant mental problems that could pose future problems for you?
- Have you ever had sex with someone who was married to someone else?
- Have you ever had sex with someone other than your spouse while you were married?
- Have you ever hired a prostitute?
- Have you ever worked as a stripper or otherwise provided sexual entertainment?
- Have you ever hired a stripper or other sexual entertainer?
- Have you ever attended a party where stripping or other sexual entertainment occurred?
- When was the last time you had sex with another person?
- When was the last time you were tested for sexually transmitted diseases?
- Which sexually transmitted diseases have you been exposed to that you are aware of?
- Which sexually transmitted diseases have you ever been diagnosed with?
Sexual Attitudes and Needs
- How easy is it for you to discuss sex in detail?
- Where do you think sex ranks on a scale from primarily sacred to primarily an act of nature?
- Do you believe that sexual fantasy is different from lust?
- When you have sex, what are your desires to give or receive the following sexual activities, with what frequency, and how will you feel if your spouse's desires change in the future?
Suggested answer scales:
Will Not Tolerate Willing To Tolerate Some Desire Strong Desire Required
Never Infrequently Sometimes Frequently Always
- Vaginal intercourse
- Oral sex as part of foreplay
- Oral sex to the point of orgasm
- Manual sex (using hands/fingers)
- Anal intercourse
- Other forms of intercourse (Armpit, Cameltoe Stroking, Crotch, Mammary, Waist Stroking, Rhino Stroking, Hump-Rub, Pounding)
- No-foreplay "quickies" for quick sexual relief
- Explicit sexual talk (saying it or listening to your spouse saying it)
- Naughty sexual talk (saying it or listening to your spouse saying it)
- Listening to sexual or erotic sounds on headphones
- Shared sexual fantasizing or role-playing
- Sex in the car
- Sex in a private outdoor area
- If you agree that sexual fantasy can be part of your sexual activities, do you desire or believe there should be any restrictions on what is imagined or acted out?
- How do you feel about walking around the house nude when only you and your spouse are home? How do you feel about your spouse walking around nude?
- What is your attitude toward masturbation when you or your spouse is alone?
- What is your attitude toward masturbation when you or your spouse are together?
- What is your attitude toward sexual talk over the phone to help your spouse masturbate?
- Do you have any reluctance to have sex during pregnancies?
- What are your desires regarding the husband nursing from wife's breasts when she is lactating?
- [Man-only:] How do you feel about shopping for sanitary napkins, tampons, birth control, and pregnancy test items?
- Do you mind if your spouse uses the bathroom for other things while you're on the toilet?
- What are your beliefs and desires for yourself and for your spouse regarding reading erotic literature, playing erotic computer games, or viewing pornographic photos or videos?
- What are your beliefs and desires for yourself and your spouse regarding the use of force, pain, or complete physical restraints during sex?
- What are your beliefs and desires regarding group sex, spouse-swapping, or other forms of extra-marital sex?
- How often are you now having orgasms?
- Is your current frequency of orgasms satisfying or would you prefer more or fewer?
- If your spouse wants an orgasm when you don't desire to have sex, how do you plan to deal with your spouse's needs? Will you ignore them, expect them to wait until you feel like it, encourage them to masturbate, or have sex with them even though you don't want to?
- If you want an orgasm when your spouse doesn't want to have sex, how do you plan to deal with your needs? Will you masturbate, or try to wait until your spouse wants to have sex?
- Do you know what your love language is?
- Do you know what your fiancée's love language is?
- How realistic is it for you to expect to provide what your fiancée needs regarding their love language for the rest of your lives?